I Am Not Enough
- Morgan
- May 21, 2017
- 4 min read
I was blessed to find my soul mate when I was young and we have created a beautiful life together. It has been filled with such incredible joy and some unspeakable sorrow. I am sure that pattern will continue as we walk this path together. When we first started courting and in the early years of our marriage I had much to learn, we both did. The most incredible gift that God has blessed me with is a partner in which I can fully rely. A husband worthy of the position of leadership in our house, worthy of my submission and someone I can completely trust. Through this relationship, God has lovingly been grooming me into a worthy wife. I continue to grow and mature in this relationship through God’s love and His word.
It is through this relationship that God has given me the second most incredible gift, the divine opportunity to raise my children. I call them mine because they are in my care, but make no mistake, these are God’s children and the weight of that responsibility is not lost on me. From the time I was a little girl I have always wanted to be a mom. Don’t get me wrong, I had aspirations for vocations, but in the back of my mind was this intense longing to care for children. Maybe it was because my mom stayed home with me as much as she could, maybe it was just how God designed me, regardless of how that desire ended up inside my heart, it became a path I intended to follow according to God’s purposes in my life.
It is very clear to me that these are God’s children and not mine, especially since I have only carried 50% of them inside me. Being a foster mom has been a constant reminder that I have been entrusted with these little lives and it is a profound privilege. It is through Motherhood that I have learned arguably some of the most important lessons you can learn on this earth. They can be broken down into two main points.
The first is that the most important characteristic to develop is a spirit longing to learn. In motherhood (and really in parenthood) I am daily humbled by what I don’t know and constantly searching for the answers. Nothing will humble you faster than a 3 year old copying your bad behavior. The minute I think I have it all figured out, is the minute I stop growing as a mom. I don’t find that discouraging, I find it motivating and relieving. Because I know I have a lot to learn, I am open to hearing ideas without judgement, I am seeking beneficial answers, I am trying things outside the box. Not only will I collect valuable wisdom over the years, but I will be showing my children that the unknown need not be faced with fear, but with determination and confidence. I am excited about learning how to be a better mom to my kids and I hope everyday I am just a bit better than the day before.
The second (and in my opinion the greater lesson) is just how much I need the Lord. Knowledge in this world is nothing with out the wisdom of the God who created everything. Every single day I am reminded to lean on the understanding of God, follow the path He walked before me, and praise Him for always always ALWAYS meeting my needs. What do I have to fear when the God of the universe is the one directing my steps? He has chosen me for these children, do I really think that he will abandon us? Sometimes when I feel like I am not enough, I am reminded of the selfish origins of that thought. The answer is simple: you are NOT enough, but God is. We become the mother’s that God intended us to be through His grace, not by our own accomplishments.
I would like to say that every mother is enough for her children, but that is not the reality. I wouldn’t be raising someone else's child if that were true. I am not claiming to be better than my son’s biological mom, in fact, it is only by the grace of God that I am enough for these kids. The beauty in needing God for everything, especially parenting, is that He is never ending, perfect and will always provide, without condemnation. We do not have to be ashamed that we are not enough, because God’s power is PERFECTED in our WEAKNESS and there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. We BECOME enough, because He is always enough.
The degree in which I need the Lord to be a good mother is immeasurable, and it brings me to tears every time I am reminded that the grace of God is also immeasurable and I have access to all of it!
Happy Sunday, everyone!
Till Next Time!
