One Day at a Time
Today I met my son’s mother. His biological mother, the one who was lucky enough to carry him inside her body. The one who got to feel him kick and move before he even left the womb. I tell my son that he is so lucky to have two Moms and two Dads, that seems to make him happy for now, but for a three-year-old, his situation is completely confusing and it pains me that I can’t do more to help him understand what it all means. He sees bio-mom every week for an hour at his Scheduled Parenting Time (SPT). Most of the time everything is fine afterward, but because of his confusing circumstances, he carries some extra baggage with him and will continue to do so until a permanent situation occurs and he can officially unpack emotionally.
I can’t even begin to imagine the emotions swirling around in his little head and heart. As many foster parents can attest, parenting during this confusing time is challenging and anything but normal. On top of regular 3 year old development, you have to add separation anxiety, learned bad behaviors from the past, trust issues, and more depending on the background. I don’t get the luxury of overlooking behaviors as “a typical 3 year old,” it’s so much bigger than that.
On top of all of that, I deal with my own selfishness and jealousy. It’s all too easy to start the pity party and feel oh so justified that “he is better off with me.” It doesn’t matter if that statement is true or not, it does nothing to help this little boy. The best thing that I can do for him is support him in what has to be done and make any uncomfortable or confusing situations as painless as possible. I’m the adult, I’m the parent, I can do this. Isn’t that truly what parenting is? Putting your child’s needs above your own regardless of how you feel? It’s not easy, but no matter how you become a parent, this is a constant truth. Another truth being, that love is not about what you feel, but more so about what you do.
As far as an update, that’s it. There is nothing I can tell you about what will happen in the future because this process moves one day at a time. It’s incredibly tedious and frustrating, but along with that it is wonderful and enhancing and challenges me to love like the Father loves.
Despite Mint’s confusing circumstances and history he is a joyful and wonderful little kid. He likes to be very independent and make his own choices. He loves going to the park and he enjoys feeding the ducks at the pond and feeding the chickens at the chicken coop. Patrick built him a water table which can occupy him for hours, however he always comes in soaking wet! His monologues/stories are epic and can last for 5+ minutes without him stopping for air. If you interrupt him during this time, he will be very upset. He finally sleeps through the night (Praise Jesus!) so we are all getting much better sleep! He goes to preschool two days a week and is learning the alphabet and how to count all the way to 10! I will never be without someone to talk to, and although I sometimes miss the silence, loneliness is not felt in this house and for that I am grateful.
